Growing Seeds out of a Cardboard Box
By Anthony S. Protho
A cardboard box left in an abandoned home will someday find its way to the ground, where it can finally grow. As a kid in Texas, I remember having the freest experience away from others. In Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh describes the cookie of childhood as the calm and open quality for enjoying the moment for a living (20). For me, this was the time I spent alone in nature, whether in a tree in Texas or in the mud with my “pet” snake. I’d sit in a tree called my treehouse and eat a banana. At such an age I had been a monkey. The plants, the rain, the sun were so pretty. The clouds, the wind, and the animals all moved so steadily.
As children, we are our true selves, with the courage of the world. There was no sense of loneliness. But as we grow we often rely more on the social connections we make with others. And by being too sociable we have lost ourselves. We conform to many of the unspoken rules of society so that we can hopefully be more likable, and grow a larger group of friends.
If any of those relationships become over argumentative, painful, or hard kept, it would be obvious to leave. However, the thoughts of a caveman’s brain don’t want to see “one of our own” join the “enemies” tribe, and so we cling again. Compromise after compromise destroying who we once were.
Peace is in every step, the path of mindfulness is in everyday life. We can still walk down that dirt road, and enjoy it’s feeling under our feet. See the work it took to build that wooden fence, and enjoy the garden it is protecting. For a long time, I felt that being lonely was subsequent to being something that society didn’t like. That those who were lonely were inevitably going to go insane and gain mental illnesses. And yet, I remember the joy I felt in those times I had alone and the ways I could explore my insights and dreams for the world.
There are many lessons to learn by being temporarily alone. To enjoy life, and see it change around you; to appreciate the clouds moving through the sky and the plants growing in the ground. This change is slow, but it is constant. We get so enveloped with society, we lose sight of this. We can learn to care more about ourselves and be content in your own presence instead of relying on others for your self absorbed loneliness. Because the truest freedom in this world is not given to us. It is innate by nature. And by being ourselves, by ourselves, we will experience the truest sense of freedom there is. And that is the chance to live a life.
Our world is filled with contradicting truths. And being able to be selfish, and selfless enough in this world is one of them. To have a third eye, as Gao Xingjian suggests, and gain the wisdom to have a love for myself without it being narcissistic, and a love for others that doesn’t make me a shell of myself (164–167).
To enjoy life now, to see that enjoying a cookie for an hour is more so about living in the moment. To hang out in my “treehouse” for hours and hours. To come back inside only after being called in for dinner, or when I was finally bored. To come into my warm house and have my parents ask “where have you been all day”, as if they didn’t know I was in the backyard as I always had been. I miss being so content with a simple life. But now boredom has succumbed to me. As we grow our hunger grows. The cookie we once enjoyed for hours, is now consumed in minutes. Now constantly seeking more, even if we have everything we need.
The moment we come to life, we are perceiving our environment and trying to understand it. We are capable of discerning objects that are all just molecules. The splitting of atoms, and how they change based on the observation of humans make us the center of the universe. Not as a whole, but as individuals. Every person affects another thing by our perception, and ability to observe.
It is us, and our power over the universe that makes the heart of our universe. As Teilhard de Chardin suggests in The Human Phenomenon, we see the reflection of ourselves in everything (3). We are, in a way trapped in our own created world, our own biased thoughts, and yet we still have the external objects of the universe. And yet, in order to avoid oneself, we avoid seeing too far out of our range, and we avoid looking too closely within oneself. Looking a few years into the past to fill us with sadness. Looking a few years to the future to stress us out. And we still have trouble living in the moment. How shallow our sight is. Stuck in the frustrations and belief that everything is the same, that we are somehow still. But how idiotic is that? To be exactly still when our earth is constantly revolving around the sun, traveling thousands of miles in just minutes. Everything is constantly changing. And how can we be still when we breathe? When all of the molecules and cells in our body dance all day long. The unlikeliness of our existence and ability to enjoy the peals of laughter we share, caused by an inevitable yet seemingly impossible existence. The fact that we have enough argon and oxygen to breath, to feel our lungs fill up, and deflate in the fresh air. We should appreciate our one and only lives, because even in an afterlife, or a rebirth. Nothing will ever be the same. Teilhard de Chardin shows us that by seeing the infinitesimal, and the infinitely large, we can live a more full life (5). Realizing we are gigantic powerful beings, and being humble enough to realize that we are also tiny.
There is another universe. We should listen to our bodies, look inside our hearts. The world in ourselves is yet another universe that is not yet explored. But we can start to explore it more. Shabestari shows us in The Secret Rose Garden that everything can be found in everything (38). In a tree, we can see a forest. The human phenomenon is — as everything is — innately from nature. We should not mistake this insight and mass of supposedly chaotic or logical thoughts for an alternative to living, but simply as an idea to appreciate more. Whatever beliefs you follow, the world is yours alone. But it is also mine. The observation of none is the non-existence of everything. Because if we do not perceive, we are dead.
And what holds us together when not a single atom touches? For Gandhi it is love. To think without love that it wouldn’t exist, that without love there will be hate. To think hate leads to destruction (Easwaran, Gandhi. 160). Though I find love or a means of true happiness as very important. I’ve come to learn that a compassionate side exists. Genji has made the point that people give unconditional and unthinking love to a stray dog or cat, but why can’t this be the same with most strangers or everyone else?”
In my universe, I would sit in a field, desert, under the stars or in a cave, hidden in bushes, uncomfortable and itchy, or lying in the plains. Sitting on the beach without a thought in the world, and there is peace. I listened to the world’s harmonious melody. There was a time where I wanted to share this harmony with another’s that I had thought matched mine who’s melody spoke to my heart, but have learned that I am the other. Like Teilhard de Chardin said, in everything we look at we see and find ourselves (3). I still go back to my place, in the metaphorical trees, letting my imagination create. I still go out on walks. And get lost in the middle of nowhere to listen to a new song. It always seems to guide me on an adventure -each note being my next step. Only to lead me back safely to the world I had left.
It’s still very hard for me to believe that people can change, or that people truly grow up. My standards for maturity are high. For myself mostly, but this reflects unto others as well. But we must not let our reflection become all that we see. I had to be hurt in order to grow. I needed to let go of everything, in order to get a better grasp of how to live life and handle all of its bull shit. We will then get the right amount of nutrients in our soil, and enough water to sprout. It’s hard when our environment doesn‘t provide us with such luxuries, and it is annoying to have to rely on others to ensure that we get enough water. But mother nature is generous and will provide us with everything we need. Whether you believe in religion or not. There is help in looking at the bigger picture, and the unlikeliness of our entirety.
Being lost is very alluring. It is an adventure, being alone is personal growth, and we find that though there are many things in the world that we chase. The most important thing that we must chase is our sunlight and growth. This sunlight is happiness, this growth is based on needs, and with this, you can make seeds of your own, gain pollen, and blossom into something incredibly beautiful.
It’s hard to appreciate beauty when we don’t even know what it is. Does it come from the stars in our solar system, or is it simply a blossoming flower in the spring morning. Enjoying the slow moments and enjoying the simple. But beauty is particular, and yet so familiar. We find beauty in things that others never will. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say. And in a world of contradictions, how can something that is unique be beautiful, if we are so familiar and comfortable with it? It is in us to find beauty in the things most peculiar. We can be accustomed to and familiarize ourselves with new and different things. Learn to be comfortable with them, and learn to find beauty and love for them.
Works Cited
Eknath Easwaran and Mahatma Gandhi. The Essential Ghadi. 1964.
Gao, Xingjian. Loneliness. 2000.
Hanh, Thich Nhat. Peace is Every Step. 1990.
Levin, David. Singing the World. 1998.
Shabestari, Mahmoud. The Secret Rose Garden. 1985.
Teilhard de Chardin, Pierre. The Human Phenomenon. 1955.
